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Zero feet away means either dinner is ready or your hookup is already in the pantry.
The Zero Feet Away Grindr Organic Cotton Apron is built around bold gold lettering. It turns that design into practical queer kitchenwear with enough personality to work before anyone has even tasted the food.
Grindr turned distance into a tiny erotic geography lesson: 500 feet is interesting, 50 feet is promising, and zero feet away means somebody in this kitchen needs to stop pretending they are only here for the hummus.
Set the oven to 180, the location to zero feet away and the expectations to realistic. If somebody arrives before the timer goes off, make them chop onions.
Wear it for gay brunch, bear barbecue, Pride hosting, Sunday roast, pre-club dinner or the ambitious date-night meal where the starter is food and dessert remains under negotiation.
As a dirty gay apron with actual personality, it sits somewhere between sex-positive queer cooking gift and adult LGBTQ+ kitchen apron. Specific enough to be clocked across the kitchen, useful enough to survive the sauce.
The sturdy 100% organic cotton helps protect clothes from flour, grease, sauce and whatever happened when somebody became overconfident with the blender. Adjustable back straps help you find a comfortable fit, while the large two-compartment front pocket keeps utensils, tasting spoons, your phone or emergency tongs close.
Zero Feet Away Grindr Organic Cotton Apron Details
Each apron is made especially for you after you place your order. Producing pieces on demand rather than in bulk helps reduce unnecessary overproduction, so thank you for choosing a more considered way to shop.
Size guide
Sizing note: This is a one-size apron. Use the apron measurements below to check the fit and coverage you prefer.
Imperial Sizing Chart (inches)
| Size | Length | Width | Strap |
| One size | 35.4 | 29.5 | 37.8 |
Metric Sizing Chart (cm)
| Size | Length | Width | Strap |
| One size | 90 | 75 | 96 |
Apron on, closet off, grill hot.
