Smile, Talk, Laugh, Drink, Dance, Eat Ass Organic Cotton Apron

Smile, talk, laugh, drink, dance, eat ass, then wash your hands before cooking.

The Smile, Talk, Laugh, Drink, Dance, Eat Ass Organic Cotton Apron is built around rainbow text. Perfect for expressing LGBTQIA+ pride, adding flair and empowerment to any kitchen setting. It turns that design into practical queer kitchenwear with enough personality to work before anyone has even tasted the food.

This belongs to sex-positive queer humour where pleasure can be funny, explicit and completely unashamed. The kitchen provides an irresponsible number of verbs: toss, beat, whip, rub, stuff, glaze, spread, lick and, apparently, eat.

Dinner instructions have become dangerously ambiguous. Eat out, eat ass, eat the pasta. Just establish which course everybody agreed to.

Ideal for sex-positive households, queer brunches, kink-friendly gifts and the person whose kitchen vocabulary already includes whip, beat, bind, stuff and spread without anybody panicking.

This is the kind of dirty gay apron that makes a far sharper gift than generic Pride merch. Think sex-positive queer cooking gift, dinner-party uniform and extremely functional adult LGBTQ+ kitchen apron in one.

Under all the queer nonsense is a genuinely functional 100% organic cotton apron with adjustable back straps and a roomy two-compartment front pocket. The current neck-strap design has been streamlined for comfort, so older product photos may show a buckle that is no longer used.

Smile, Talk, Laugh, Drink, Dance, Eat Ass Organic Cotton Apron Details

• 100% organic cotton
• Fabric weight: 7.08 oz/yd² (240 g/m²)
• Adjustable back straps for a comfortable fit across different body shapes
• Updated streamlined neck strap without the buckle shown in some older product photos
• Large front pocket divided into two practical compartments
• Original Queer In The World design

Each apron is made especially for you after you place your order. Producing pieces on demand rather than in bulk helps reduce unnecessary overproduction, so thank you for choosing a more considered way to shop.

Size guide

Tie the apron. Negotiate the rest.