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Never Owned A Vibrator sends diamonds straight back to the jewellery counter.
The design flips the old 'diamonds are a girl's best friend' cliché into a sex-positive punchline about the considerably more useful object in the bedside drawer. It is queer feminist humour at its best — pleasure, autonomy and a refusal to pretend expensive jewellery automatically outranks knowing what gets you off.
This funny vibrator hoodie is made for lesbians, bi women, sex-positive feminists and anyone whose self-care has a charging cable. Wear it to Pride, queer brunch or the sofa on a cold night where the joke becomes increasingly practical. A cheeky adult LGBTQ+ gift with much better priorities than a diamond advert.
Never Owned A Vibrator Unisex Hoodie Product Details
Sizing Guide
The measurements below are the actual garment dimensions, so compare them with a hoodie you already love rather than relying only on the letter size. Choose your usual size for the intended fit, go up for a roomier or more oversized look, or size down if you prefer it closer to the body.
If you are between sizes, check our Measuring Guide before ordering. Please allow a manufacturing tolerance of approximately ½–1 inch on both length and width.
Imperial Sizing Chart
| Size | Length (in) | Width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 27 | 20 |
| M | 28 | 22 |
| L | 29 | 24 |
| XL | 30 | 26 |
| 2XL | 31 | 28 |
| 3XL | 32 | 30 |
| 4XL | 33 | 32 |
| 5XL | 34 | 34 |
Metric Sizing Chart
| Size | Length (cm) | Width (cm) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 69 | 51 |
| M | 71 | 56 |
| L | 74 | 61 |
| XL | 76 | 66 |
| 2XL | 79 | 71 |
| 3XL | 81 | 76 |
| 4XL | 84 | 81 |
| 5XL | 86 | 86 |

